Bottom Feeder “Pay Forward” # 91

I greet The Indwelling Source.

Today’s “Pay Forward” gift is – Bottom Feeder. Once again, I’ve reached my level of incompetence. It’s time for real change, like a spiritual transformation, calling for a complete surrender; the death of my personal “reality.” “My soul is exceeding sorrowful … O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” I tell myself that the most important mission, my heart’s desire is to be and to do our Father’s Love and Will 24/7, known and unknown. No matter how hard I try to consciously and consistently practice that, I fall far short.  It’s time I accept that I am not, as my personal “reality,” ever carry that out, alone and unaided.  Like every truly great thing in my life has come to me by grace, not works.  “Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities” Alcoholics Anonymous page 85.  Not my will but His be done.  I am a workaholic, which gets in the way of my spiritual practice.  How can I not know by now, after sixty-four years of trying, that everything of value is given to me by grace?  Radical training has a place, to practice and share what has been freely given, as a channel, not the Source.  I pray to be consistent in asking our Father to bless all of us, and do my little part. Thy Love, Thy Will be done.