Best Of Friends

Today’s “Pay Forward” gift is emotional. Living A.A.’s way of life as if my life and the quality of life depended on it, it does.  Am I unable to experience the depth of life-and-death?   I never mourned the death of anyone until my dear A.A. Friend Bill O. passed away. I was to say a few words at his memorial.  A lifetime of unexpressed emotional came gushing out, I could not stop crying; I was caught off guard. Bill was the first person who I felt saw the good within me.  He and I become the best of friends; we had a great many things in common. We were both active in A.A. and shared our Spiritual journey. Mourning Bill’s death opened a deep understanding of mourning and some of my other unexpressed emotions.  I understood for the first time my reaction to the loss of my “beloved” companion, alcohol. Until I got to the conditions and causes of my alcoholism, I tried to replace it with another harmful stuff and actions. I believe one must experience a full mourning cycle for whatever we are surrendering, Step One. We are likely to have a problem doing whatever it takes to carry out the rest of the Steps in-depth. “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted" (Step Two). Come let us comfort one another. Thy Love, Thy Will be done.