A Wall-less Self-imposed Prison “Pay Forward” #260

Today’s “Pay Forward” gift is – A Wall-less Self-imposed Prison.
An important person in my life told me that I would be a fine human being if I abstain from drinking alcohol, and refrain from acts of violence. When I came to A.A., I did stop drinking alcohol, and I stayed out of violence, for a while, but I was not a fine person. Actually, I felt a deeper anger, later I realized it was fear in denial. I no longer had my “medicine” alcohol to keep me from feeling and caring. My family’s tradition it was forbidden to show fear. I had bought into the idea that, I would be free by just stopping bad things, but I wasn’t. I did not know how to live unbound with my personal “reality” running the show, drunk or sober. The last year of my drinking I became well acquainted with the hideous Four Horseman – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair (page 151 Alcoholics Anonymous). I was imprisoned by my own doings. I didn’t have the understanding to see how sick that was, until I practice A.As’ spiritual principles for a while. I thought that I was protecting myself from the enemies of my own making. The absence of bad stuff does not equal a loving, fulfilling way of life, but it was a good start. A.As’ spiritual principles supplied me with all I needed to get out of myself-imposed prison, which was always wall-less. “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known” Carl Sagan. Thy Love, Thy Will be done.

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260