Intimacy “Pay Forward” #83

Today’s “Pay Forward” gift is – Intimacy. This has been a very long and difficult road for me. I was not about to let anyone else know my deepest secrets, I would be a fool to do so. Beyond that fear was a burning desire for someone to unconditional love and accept me warts and all, but how could they if I wouldn’t let them in on my deepest “hidden” stuff? Once I was able to accept that there was at least three of me, my created Self, my Enlightened personal “reality” and my Dark personal “reality”, I was more willing to accept my conflict as a real problem, but having a possible solution. First I had to be willing to see, accept and own my darkness as is, and at least willing to talk it over with my Enlightened personal “reality.” Practicing A.A. spiritual principles and listening to others open their hearts, minds and souls had awakened me to an enlightened self-interest. This coincides with my trust in our Father and awakening to my created Self. It was foolish to think I could accept intimacy from another when I couldn’t with all three of me. I was reminded, “If anyone hears MY voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” As my trust became part of an abiding faith in our Father’s grace, my Enlightened personal “reality” took a lighted candle into myself-imposed darkness, a beginning. Thy Love, Thy Will be done.